A Bucket of Bullshit

Have you ever done something silly, simply because you didn’t want to tempt fate?   Have you ever stopped to pick up a penny, just in case it might bring you good luck? Did you ever feel a little anxious after breaking a mirror?   Have you ever hesitated to dial a phone number with 3 consecutive 6’s in the sequence?   Have you ever knocked on wood, “just in case?”

 

If the only thing you really knew about autism was that you once heard someone claim that there was a connection between vaccinations and autism, is it possible that you might stop to think twice before vaccinating your child? If you spent nine months of pregnancy loving the soon-to-be baby who you created, and then you saw an autistic child at the grocery store having a bad day hours before you arrived to your child’s vaccination appointment, might you stop for a moment to wonder, “what if?”  Would you really want to tempt fate?

 

Without a diagnosis, everything was still just a possibility. I was still in the “what if” stage of understanding things that I did not know for certain. The unknown outcome allowed me an opportunity to place my fears on the backburner, while rationally seeking answers to my questions.   It was something which I could only explain using an example referred to as “Schrodinger’s cat paradox.”

 

Schrodinger’s cat paradox was the perfect example of denial. Schrodinger conducted an experiment where a cat was placed in a box with a sealed vial of poison which would release the poison to kill the cat at a random time. Until the box was open, the cat could be thought of as both alive and dead. Opening the box meant that the outcome was definitive, and it would quite possibly be devastating.

 

I would never have thought so at the time, but I am now grateful to have waited nearly a year before receiving Nicholas’s autism diagnosis. I needed to freeze time. I needed time to think clearly through my best and worst case scenarios, at my own pace. I needed time to process his devastating diagnosis as a possibility, rather than a fact, so that I could understand it before fear drove me to a sense of urgency, urging me to latch onto any answer I could find, logical or not.

 

What might cause him to be autistic?   Will I need to care for him in his adulthood? How much might it cost me to get him treatment? Will he ever learn to speak? Why is this happening? What did I do wrong? How do I help him? Is there a cure? These were the questions I needed to answer.

 

When I heard that autism was Nicholas’s potential diagnosis, the world became incomprehensible. I was forced to string together everything I knew, to make sense of Nicholas’s past, present, and future. Confusion took over my thought process as I tried to sort out facts from fears. Glimmers of hope became answers to prayers, and far-fetched possibilities became potential miracles.

 

I was driven to find answers. I wanted to make sense of all of the possible unknowns. It was the perfect time, right at this point, just before vulnerability completely clouded my judgment, while Schrodinger’s cat was still both alive and dead, when I turned to the internet for answers to the whirlwind of questions circling through my mind.

 

For a parent, there is nothing more important than the wellbeing of their child. There is also nothing more confusing than navigating the abyss of useless and misleading information about autism on the internet.

 

The internet was polluted with toxic information.   It was sprinkled around, spread evenly into pockets of hope for frantic parents searching for answers.  These were just SOME of the articles I found in my internet search for answers:

 

Proximity to freeways increases autism risk, study finds

Mom’s Antibodies May Cause Some Autism

Study suggests possible link between autism and pesticide exposure

Obesity, diabetes during pregnancy linked to autism

Hepatitis B vaccine could triple risk of autism in infant boys

Could Vitamin D deficiency be a cause of autism?

Mom’s iron intake may be important for autism risk: study

Common flame retardant linked to social, behavioural and learning deficits, and autism

Autism and vinyl flooring – is there a link?

Link Between Nicotine Addiction And Autism Found

Mercury a causative factor in ASD?

How Smart Meters May Cause Autism and Cancer

Autism Might Be Linked With Inducing and Speeding Up Labor (STUDY)

Older Fathers More Likely To Have Autistic Grandchildren

Autism Linked To Fever and Flu During Pregnancy, Study Finds

Could Prenatal Ultrasounds Contribute To Cases Of Autism?

Autism may be linked to gestational diabetes: study

Two new autism studies point to pesticides, traumatic experiences as possible causes

STUDY: Autism likely caused by abnormal brain growth during pregnancy, not vaccines

A New Autism Risk Factor: Moms with Polycystic Ovaries

Pregnancy Intervals May Affect Autism Risk, Study Suggests

Largest-ever autism risk analysis provides further evidence that genetic and nongenetic factors both contribute powerfully to ASD

 

Individually, each web article was an answer, a ray of hope, that shined on me. After a painful view of the bigger picture, it quickly became obvious that the only thing we really knew about autism was that we really didn’t know anything about autism. By the 20th article, a feeling of total hopelessness had set in.

 

These articles were not answers.   These articles were just a false sense of hope.  I had no way to know if there were even grains of truth in any of these articles. How could I sort fact from fiction?

 

I needed concrete answers to real questions, and these articles were all bullshit covered in bullshit, then dipped in a bucket of bullshit. Who were these cruel people claiming to know something that was based on nothing? What did they have to gain?

 

I was searching for answers, and all I was left with were more questions, and a great big bucket of bullshit.

 

See more NicholasLogic blog posts: 

http://www.nicholaslogic.com/blog/my-inner-bitch

http://www.nicholaslogic.com/blog/few-and-far-between

http://www.nicholaslogic.com/blog/dear-police-department-2

http://www.nicholaslogic.com/blog/sensory-integration

 

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Links to blog referenced articles: 

[Please think twice before visiting these advertisement-driven sites.  Someone gets paid every time you click, which just encourages more of this.]

 

Proximity to freeways increases autism risk, study finds

http://articles.latimes.com/2010/dec/16/health/la-he-autism-20101217

 

Mom’s Antibodies May Cause Some Autism

http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2013/07/mom-s-antibodies-may-cause-some-autism

 

Study suggests possible link between autism and pesticide exposure

http://america.aljazeera.com/articles/2014/6/23/autism-pregnancypesticides.html

 

Obesity, diabetes during pregnancy linked to autism

http://www.wtsp.com/story/news/2016/01/31/obesity-diabetes-during-pregnancy-linked-autism/79615176/

 

Hepatitis B vaccine could triple risk of autism in infant boys

http://www.foodsmatter.com/asd_autism/autism_causes/articles/hepatitis_b_risk.html

 

Could Vitamin D deficiency be a cause of autism?

http://www.foodsmatter.com/asd_autism/autism_causes/articles/autism_vit_d.html

 

Mom’s iron intake may be important for autism risk: study

http://uk.reuters.com/article/us-prenatal-iron-autism-idUKKCN0HI2AT20140923

 

Common flame retardant linked to social, behavioural and learning deficits, and autism

http://www.foodsmatter.com/asd_autism/autism_causes/research/flame-retardant-02.12.html

 

Autism and vinyl flooring – is there a link?

http://www.foodsmatter.com/asd_autism/autism_causes/research/vinyl_flooring.html

 

Link Between Nicotine Addiction And Autism Found

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/11/081117103651.htm

 

Mercury a causative factor in ASD?

http://www.foodsmatter.com/asd_autism/autism_causes/research/mercury_causative_factor.html

 

How Smart Meters May Cause Autism and Cancer

http://www.foodsmatter.com/es/dect_smart_meters/articles/smart_meters_autism_2011_goldsworthy.pdf

 

Autism Might Be Linked With Inducing And Speeding Up Labor (STUDY)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/12/autism-inducing-labor-_n_3745425.html

 

Older Fathers More Likely To Have Autistic Grandchildren

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/20/older-fathers-autistic-grandchildren_n_2917927.html

 

Autism Linked To Fever And Flu During Pregnancy, Study Finds

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/12/autism-pregnancy-fever-flu_n_2103386.html

 

Could Prenatal Ultrasounds Contribute To Cases Of Autism?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michealene-cristini-risley/autism-ultrasound_b_892788.html

 

Autism may be linked to gestational diabetes: study

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/autism-linked-gestational-diabetes-study-article-1.2184913

 

Two new autism studies point to pesticides, traumatic experiences as possible causes

http://www.dailynews.com/health/20140623/two-new-autism-studies-point-to-pesticides-traumatic-experiences-as-possible-causes

 

STUDY: Autism likely caused by abnormal brain growth during pregnancy, not vaccines

http://www.wxyz.com/news/study-autism-likely-caused-by-abnormal-brain-growth-during-pregnancy-not-vaccines

 

A New Autism Risk Factor: Moms with Polycystic Ovaries

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/a-new-autism-risk-factor-moms-with-polycystic-ovaries/

 

Pregnancy Intervals May Affect Autism Risk, Study Suggests

http://consumer.healthday.com/cognitive-health-information-26/autism-news-51/pregnancy-intervals-may-affect-autism-risk-703180.html

 

Largest-ever autism risk analysis provides further evidence that genetic and nongenetic factors both contribute powerfully to ASD

https://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/large-study-suggests-genes-environment-contribute-equally-autism-risk

 

New Research Suggests Autism has Multiple Causes

http://thechimericalcapuchin.com/new-research-suggests-autism-has-multiple-causes/

 

 

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